Never Mind the Bollocks - it's the Poker Gods

You know all that stuff in my last blog about the light of the poker gods 'shining benevolently' on me. To use an expression of the English: BOLLOCKS.

Listen, let's get something straight right here - Party Poker is donkey central. Ok, you knew that - but I really must emphasise this point: it is the Fuck-O Metropolis. I mean, it's not serious, is it? It can't be a real poker site, can it? Does Party Poker hire thousands of actor/players and ask them to play the most horrible poker they can conceive of in order to maintain the site's reputation as donkey central? Because, I can't see a really bad player playing that bad consistently if they tried. The level of crap play you see on PP takes a level of dedication and premediatation that - you have to believe - cannot happen accidently.

You see, that's the real conspiracy behind PP - they don't rig the cards; they rig the players. The thing is, no one in the real world can play that badly. It's just not possible. Even beginner players do SOME things right SOME of the time. Oh no - it is the diabolical genius behind the creators of PP at play here: they know to keep players coming to the site with the allure of great riches, that they must keep hoards of arseclowns on the payroll to give the site its well-deserved reputation as the poker donkey Shang-ri-la.

So, yes, as you probably guessed, I was bad beat, outdrawn, donkified, and drawn and quartered over the weekend. I bubbled on a satellite for the Aussie Millions, I bubbled (from a healthy chip stack) on the 40 000 guaranteed, and I bubbled on a third big tournament (I'm pretty sure it was an Omaha Hi/Lo tournament). I do recall executing a good bluff at a BAD time in the Aussie Millions sattellite. I bluffed at a pot that an idiot calling station obviously had no interest in (a big bluff), and they called with a small pair with four overcards, with a flush and a straight possibility down, and I think the board was even paired.

But I don't blame the horrible, horrible, appalling, blisteringly stupid call by Queen Donkey of the Party Poker People - oh no: I blame myself. I had written on my player notes for this person: "Calling Station. DO NOT BLUFF UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES". And yet I did it anyway. What is wrong with me? I even have a note written in big black ink, stuck the top of my monitor that says DO NOT BLUFF. People at PP simply do not fold in tournaments with anything from a $5 to $50 entry fee.

I must listen to Harrington - he emphasises this point exactly in his book on poker strategy: don't bluff at low buy-in tournaments as you will generally be called anyway. He does note that this means value bets are always rewarded, and for that matter, it is often worth going all-in even if you have the nuts as you will probably be called anyway.

Note to self: listen to Harrington, idiot.