Wednesday, June 21, 2006

One Million Dollars Guaranteed

I have an important announcement to make. Due to a series of events too complicated to discuss; so complicated in fact that I may not even vaguely allude to them, I am proud and excited to make the following announcement:

The next reader to post a comment in this blog will receive 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!*

Fuck Party - here's the real way to win One Million Dollars online!!!**

That's right loyal readers - for merely acknowledging the existence of this blog, you will be able to change the material and existential conditions of your life!!!***

But that's not all - in addition to a bank balance now soaring spectacularly into the black*, you will receive two weeks accommodation, a plane ticket to Vegas AND a seat in the WSOP event of your choice!!!****

And if all this wasn't enough to make you squeal with glee and moisten your pants in anticipation; after you've checked into your luxury suite at the Bellagio, you will find a specially prepared WSOP/Las Vegas welcome package that includes the following: TWO Celine Dion tickets*****, ONE set of crystal glasses (with decanter), SIX HUNDRED green M&Ms, ONE pound of crack cocaine, TWO crack whores (and pipe), FOUR cases of Guinness, THREE hens-a-laying, AND FOUR signed prescriptions for Dutch Boyd's anti-psychosis medication.******

So read on my brothers and sisters, inhale every sacred scent, every spore of wisdom this blog has to offer - and comment freely and often. The rewards will be enduring and innumerable.













* Cheque will not be honoured
** Chance of winning one million dollars by commenting on this blog is approximately equal to your chances of winning one million dollars on Party Poker
*** Results may vary. Please note that money - whether it be real or imaginary - is unlikely to change your existential mindset. This is because most of you approach life with what Sartre referred to as 'bad faith'. In essence, this means you really will never change, and the mistakes you made as a child and on through adolescence are destined to be repeated.
**** Plane ticket must be collected from Broken Hill Airport, New South Wales, Australia. WSOP seat cannot be redeemed prior to the year 3216 or Robert Vakonyi winning another event at the WSOP, which ever comes first.
***** Tickets to Celine Dion may be substituted with round-house kick to groin, if preferred by the winner.
****** Mr Boyd, of his own free will, exchanged medication prescriptions with the Royal Sampler for a kranksy dog, the 'brown' acid, some magic beans, and two Celine Dion tickets.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award (June Edition)

This could have happened last month - but how the fuck you crab apples going to know the difference?


I was playing in a free tournament, the first prize of which was a trip to Vegas. I'm on the button. I have about 6000 in chips. The blinds are 300/600. It's folded to me and finding myself with KQ, I raise to 2000 straight. SB folds, BB calls, leaving himself 200 in chips behind.

That's right, 200.

Before the flop comes out I say, "look mate, I put you all-in" and throw in another 200 chips (into a pot of 4300). The flop comes 556. My opponent looks disgusted and says "I know you've got a pair".

That's right, he thinks about the call.

I look straight ahead and try to ignore the fact that he's getting over 22 -1 on the call, that he's going to leave himself with 200 with the blinds at 300/600 if he folds, and that everyone else on the table is asking him what the fuck he even has to think about.

Anyway, a minute or so later - he folds! (yes, this warrants an exclamation mark). Not only that, he folds AJ face up!! What the fuck!?

Anyway, even without the punctuation, you get the point.


So kudos to you, random blond-guy-in-a-cap playing at the Roos Football Club a couple of weeks back, as the first live-play recipient of the Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award. Kudos.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Fucking World Series

Just finished the second stage of the WSOP Freeroll. It's about 11.30am - the tournament started at 6.30am. 3000 starters, 24 get seats. I came in 87th.

Seriously, I do not know why I fucking bother.

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Usual Business

Well, the last week has proved a frustrating one. I played in three or four Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo Tournaments and cashed in precisely zero, including a bust-out on the bubble just last night. I played a few satellites for Party’s new Sunday Million Tournament; final tabled a couple, but again, ended up with nothing.

I just haven’t been on the ball lately. I’ve made some errors that have probably cost me money finishes (of course, poker is a game where you can be rewarded by your errors – massive errors of judgement combined with a ridiculous luck can reap heady rewards). But anyway, I’ve been making the sort of errors that provide a hearty kick to the groin, and nothing more.

I played in a live freeroll tournament for a trip to Vegas. My sights were firmly set on the WSOP (of course) should I have been lucky enough to win. Again, I was not focussed. I found it difficult to concentrate on my table the way I normally do, and found myself in the dark a lot as to where my opponents were in a hand. Admittedly, I did not hit any hands the entire tournament. I had three pocket pairs during the 5 hours I played (7s, 9s and Ts). But, even given this, I think I could have made a better run had I been sufficiently focused.

Anyway, after a player found it impossible to fold to me with A3 on a board of AQJT9, I doubled up (holding a K - this was the one hand I did hit during the course of the day's play) and managed to grind my way to the final two tables. The blinds were a ridiculous 4000/8000 and my meagre stack of 19000 was obviously going to have to acquire some reinforcements post-haste. With 15 people left I found T9s in early position and pushed.

Some context: after reading a few articles by some noted online players about short stack play, I’ve come to the conclusion that pushing with small and medium suited connectors is not a bad short-stacked play. The reasoning being that – should you be called – it will more than likely be by two big cards. Which means, at the least, your hand will not be dominated. This is one of the many reasons I prefer suited connectors over such horror hands as Ace-rag or King-rag.

So I pushed with T9s and was called by the chip leader, who was holding AK (the chip leader who, by the way, got there by getting back-to-back Pocket Aces a few hands earlier and being paid off both times). Obviously I don’t want a call here – but I am not terribly unhappy with being called by a hand like that in a spot such as this. My hand is 41% here or slightly better than a 3 to 2 dog. I’m pushing 19000 to win 31000 more (the caller’s 19000 + 12000 in blinds) or 1.6 – 1 on my money. Which – according to my possibly incorrect calculations - makes this a marginal to good situation for me in the long term. Anyway – he called and I lost the hand. But that isn’t really the point. The point is that the push was right, and in this context a push with the T9s was significantly better than going in with an A4 or K8.

Anyway, it appears that still not going to Vegas as yet. I have another second-stage WSOP Freeroll on Sunday. I’ll report on my groin-smacking there in due course.