Fuck You All and Goodbye

Well, unless a miracle occurs, I will not be attending the WSOP. I think, all told, I won my way into 8 satellites (through smaller buy-in satellites) for the WSOP. In my last effort I came pretty damn close, which, in the world of satellites is good for an empty wallet and an notable increase in blood pressure.

So I made it to the final table. Three would get WSOP seats, the next three would receive a cash prize between 1500 and 3500. I think maybe 200 had started out in the ($215) satellite. 9 players remained, I had about average chips, maybe a bit more and I wasn't too worried about the table. None of the players seemed particularly creative or aggressive.

So I find QQ in late position, and raise it up after one guy limped in middle position. Blinds fold, short stack goes all-in. My first thought is that he has AA. Now, it doesn't make much sense limping in middle position on a super-tight table that had not shown any pre-disposition for a high amount on pre-flop raising, but nonetheless, my first and second thought was that he had AA. However, he was short stacked, and his all-in raise was only double or so my initial raise, which gave me at least 3.5 to 1 on the call. So I called; he shows AA, and I don't suck out. Of course not.

Very next hand. I'm a bit rattled. I limp in middle position with KQs (as I said, I was rattled). The action is folded around to the blinds, who dutifully check. Flop comes K23. SB immediately goes all-in. I can't really see what I am losing to here (unless i had let him hit a shitty two-pair). So I call, and he shows AA. Oh. Of course. The very fucking next fucking hand. What else would he have? Silly me. So I don't improve and now my stack crippled (the SB was the other short stack). I am out soon after.

Perhaps I could find some solace in thinking that those two horrid moments bought much joy to others. That perhaps, it was a key moment in their journey to the big dance.

Or perhaps it just makes me so mad I could scream and start chewing on the doorframe.

I managed to get a message into the chat box before I was booted from the tournament. You'll find it reprinted as the heading of this entry.

I think this sentiment also reflects my current thinking on my 2006 WSOP dreams (those dreams of gruelling first day survival, of inspired play and the steady accumulation of chips, of mixing it with the pros, of a courageous comeback from brutal final table beat (when this year's Aaron Kanter cracks my AA with AJ after making a horrible call pre-flop), of being heads up with Ivy, of the longest final table heads-up duel in history, of victory, glory, blow jobs like they're going out of style, pithy observations on Letterman, and a glorious reign as the new world champ).

So, to to these stupid ruminations, to these silly fantasies: fuck you all and goodbye.


Til next year.

One Million Dollars Guaranteed

I have an important announcement to make. Due to a series of events too complicated to discuss; so complicated in fact that I may not even vaguely allude to them, I am proud and excited to make the following announcement:

The next reader to post a comment in this blog will receive 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!!*

Fuck Party - here's the real way to win One Million Dollars online!!!**

That's right loyal readers - for merely acknowledging the existence of this blog, you will be able to change the material and existential conditions of your life!!!***

But that's not all - in addition to a bank balance now soaring spectacularly into the black*, you will receive two weeks accommodation, a plane ticket to Vegas AND a seat in the WSOP event of your choice!!!****

And if all this wasn't enough to make you squeal with glee and moisten your pants in anticipation; after you've checked into your luxury suite at the Bellagio, you will find a specially prepared WSOP/Las Vegas welcome package that includes the following: TWO Celine Dion tickets*****, ONE set of crystal glasses (with decanter), SIX HUNDRED green M&Ms, ONE pound of crack cocaine, TWO crack whores (and pipe), FOUR cases of Guinness, THREE hens-a-laying, AND FOUR signed prescriptions for Dutch Boyd's anti-psychosis medication.******

So read on my brothers and sisters, inhale every sacred scent, every spore of wisdom this blog has to offer - and comment freely and often. The rewards will be enduring and innumerable.













* Cheque will not be honoured
** Chance of winning one million dollars by commenting on this blog is approximately equal to your chances of winning one million dollars on Party Poker
*** Results may vary. Please note that money - whether it be real or imaginary - is unlikely to change your existential mindset. This is because most of you approach life with what Sartre referred to as 'bad faith'. In essence, this means you really will never change, and the mistakes you made as a child and on through adolescence are destined to be repeated.
**** Plane ticket must be collected from Broken Hill Airport, New South Wales, Australia. WSOP seat cannot be redeemed prior to the year 3216 or Robert Vakonyi winning another event at the WSOP, which ever comes first.
***** Tickets to Celine Dion may be substituted with round-house kick to groin, if preferred by the winner.
****** Mr Boyd, of his own free will, exchanged medication prescriptions with the Royal Sampler for a kranksy dog, the 'brown' acid, some magic beans, and two Celine Dion tickets.

Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award (June Edition)

This could have happened last month - but how the fuck you crab apples going to know the difference?


I was playing in a free tournament, the first prize of which was a trip to Vegas. I'm on the button. I have about 6000 in chips. The blinds are 300/600. It's folded to me and finding myself with KQ, I raise to 2000 straight. SB folds, BB calls, leaving himself 200 in chips behind.

That's right, 200.

Before the flop comes out I say, "look mate, I put you all-in" and throw in another 200 chips (into a pot of 4300). The flop comes 556. My opponent looks disgusted and says "I know you've got a pair".

That's right, he thinks about the call.

I look straight ahead and try to ignore the fact that he's getting over 22 -1 on the call, that he's going to leave himself with 200 with the blinds at 300/600 if he folds, and that everyone else on the table is asking him what the fuck he even has to think about.

Anyway, a minute or so later - he folds! (yes, this warrants an exclamation mark). Not only that, he folds AJ face up!! What the fuck!?

Anyway, even without the punctuation, you get the point.


So kudos to you, random blond-guy-in-a-cap playing at the Roos Football Club a couple of weeks back, as the first live-play recipient of the Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award. Kudos.

Fucking World Series

Just finished the second stage of the WSOP Freeroll. It's about 11.30am - the tournament started at 6.30am. 3000 starters, 24 get seats. I came in 87th.

Seriously, I do not know why I fucking bother.

The Usual Business

Well, the last week has proved a frustrating one. I played in three or four Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo Tournaments and cashed in precisely zero, including a bust-out on the bubble just last night. I played a few satellites for Party’s new Sunday Million Tournament; final tabled a couple, but again, ended up with nothing.

I just haven’t been on the ball lately. I’ve made some errors that have probably cost me money finishes (of course, poker is a game where you can be rewarded by your errors – massive errors of judgement combined with a ridiculous luck can reap heady rewards). But anyway, I’ve been making the sort of errors that provide a hearty kick to the groin, and nothing more.

I played in a live freeroll tournament for a trip to Vegas. My sights were firmly set on the WSOP (of course) should I have been lucky enough to win. Again, I was not focussed. I found it difficult to concentrate on my table the way I normally do, and found myself in the dark a lot as to where my opponents were in a hand. Admittedly, I did not hit any hands the entire tournament. I had three pocket pairs during the 5 hours I played (7s, 9s and Ts). But, even given this, I think I could have made a better run had I been sufficiently focused.

Anyway, after a player found it impossible to fold to me with A3 on a board of AQJT9, I doubled up (holding a K - this was the one hand I did hit during the course of the day's play) and managed to grind my way to the final two tables. The blinds were a ridiculous 4000/8000 and my meagre stack of 19000 was obviously going to have to acquire some reinforcements post-haste. With 15 people left I found T9s in early position and pushed.

Some context: after reading a few articles by some noted online players about short stack play, I’ve come to the conclusion that pushing with small and medium suited connectors is not a bad short-stacked play. The reasoning being that – should you be called – it will more than likely be by two big cards. Which means, at the least, your hand will not be dominated. This is one of the many reasons I prefer suited connectors over such horror hands as Ace-rag or King-rag.

So I pushed with T9s and was called by the chip leader, who was holding AK (the chip leader who, by the way, got there by getting back-to-back Pocket Aces a few hands earlier and being paid off both times). Obviously I don’t want a call here – but I am not terribly unhappy with being called by a hand like that in a spot such as this. My hand is 41% here or slightly better than a 3 to 2 dog. I’m pushing 19000 to win 31000 more (the caller’s 19000 + 12000 in blinds) or 1.6 – 1 on my money. Which – according to my possibly incorrect calculations - makes this a marginal to good situation for me in the long term. Anyway – he called and I lost the hand. But that isn’t really the point. The point is that the push was right, and in this context a push with the T9s was significantly better than going in with an A4 or K8.

Anyway, it appears that still not going to Vegas as yet. I have another second-stage WSOP Freeroll on Sunday. I’ll report on my groin-smacking there in due course.

Business as Usual

Made it to the second stage of Party’s WSOP Freeroll again. Got up at 6am on Sunday to start play at 6.30am. Had my Kings cracked by A5 at 7.15 am (we got it all in pre-flop). Back in bed by 7.25am. So, you know, just the usual.

I played a bunch of other tournaments later on Sunday but got pummelled. Which means after about two weeks of some success (I think I made 6 final tables), it looks like I’m back to my standard tournament fare.



(Addendum – I should note that between my last post and this one I played Party’s 30 + 3 P/L Omaha Hi/Lo tournament on Sunday and came 3rd for about US740. I was fairly happy with this as it was the second Sunday in a row I made the final table for this particular tournament).

Another Whiff

A good weekend.

Played the $10 +1 P/L Omaha Hi/Lo tournament on Friday evening - and managed to win the damn thing for $555. It was the first online tournament that I had won in a while (not including satellites) and it was a relief to get in the money again. It was a re-buy tournament; however I didn't need to re-buy after tripling up early (although I took the add-on).

I like this tournament. It usually has about 60 to 80 runners - so the field size is not prohibitive - and the payouts are good. In the Friday tournament, for example, there were 65 runners, 8 got paid, but with all the re-buys 8th place got close to a hundred bucks. The players - well, I shouldn't say they're crap - they just don't know the game. I hasten to add that I only know the basics - but I'm playing against people who essentially don't know starting hands values or the value of their hands once the flops hits (two pair may feel donktastic - but brother, it ain't worth the time of day).

On Sunday I played the 30 + 3 P/L Omaha Hi/Lo tournament. 235 runners this time and I snuck in to 5th for another $500. Happy with this one too. I was short stack (as in THE short stack) from about 50 players down to the last five. The bubble was 30 - with 31 players left, I had about 3100 in chips with the blinds at 800/1600. But I hung on tenaciously, picked my spots, won a couple of coinflips (in Hi/Lo everything's a coinflip), and before I knew it I was at the final table. The final table seemed intent on dismembering itself - or at least playing hands that no-one in their right mind would - and before I knew it was the short stack with 5 left. I pushed with the best hand. From memory I had A235 with the Ace suited, I was called by AA44 and the board fell with only high cards. But really, I was happy to get that far and happy to hit one of my best tournament weekends in a while.

I think i'm going to play the 10 + 1 re-buy more often and the 30 + 3 at least once a week. I'm also thinking about higher buy-in NLHE tournaments - between 50 + 5 and 100 + 9. I figure I play live with this sort of buy-in regularly, and the bigger buy-ins bring smaller fields and therefore less variance. While the players are better at this level, there are still spectacular fish that will pay off your big hands (a surprising number), with the added bonus of good players who will fold decent hand to well-timed bluffs.

Anyway, that's the plan. Perhaps not a 100 + 9 for a while, but if I hit another big score in the P/L Omaha Hi/Lo, I think it'll be time to give the bigger NLHE tourneys a shot.

Anyway, blah blah blah, right? I'll let you know how things fair.

The Smell of Victory

So I slogged though the first round of Party's WSOP freeroll. Needed to get into the top 50 (of 3500). I did so.

Next stage started at 6.30am Sunday morning Australian time. Thank you, North America, thank you. Can't remember the last time I've awoken before dawn. Don't care to try it again any time soon, thank you very much.

At least - I thought - I'll listen to the romantic trilling of the birds as the rozy dawn approached. But the dawn - great metaphor that it is - was a dispiriting grey. Heavy rain clouds hung overhead and few birds trilling did this lone gunman hear.

At one stage I thought I detected the wailing of mating cats not far from my misty computer room window. But pulling aside the curtain and surveying the pre-dawn surrounds, I discovered, much to my displeasure, the jarring, cat-humping sounds were emanating from a small, innocuous looking gray bird perched at my window.

Peculiar.

What did this little maestro foretell with his animal-mating jabber jabber? Nothing, of course. Just an arbitrary moment in another arbitrary day at the tables. If NLHE tournament poker is a metaphor for life, then this would be it. The arbitrary, the unnecessary, the unexpected. Good, bad, right or wrong - as the bard says, all are punish'd.

Anyway, as much as pontification and navel gazing seems an integral part of any blog, methinks some actual poker talk is in order.

The Scent

So I was chip leader - or close to it - for the first 7 levels. Nothing spectacular - just bad players dumping their chips off to me when they were drawing dead or close to it.

And the 3300 were whittled down. Steadily, unceasingly, they dropped. 2000 - 1500 - 600. And still I stayed close to the top of the chips.

The World Series of Poker? Dare I believe it? Dare I conjure in my mind that I may have a shot? That I was going to freeroll my way to the biggest game of all?

No fucking way.

The fall

Then it was three levels of cold cards, mis-timed steals, and a touch of impatience. Yet given all this, I managed to hover around the 50 000 chip mark (about the average with 160 left).

I find JJ in the cutoff. Best cards in a long while.

Blinds 1500/3000/200. I raise it to 10 000.

Fold, fold, BB calls.

Flop T24 rainbow. Not bad for JJ, not bad at all. I bet 15000 into a pot of about 23 000. BB calls (more than half of his stack is in the pot by now).

Hmm. Well, he isn't the sort of player to try something clever with QQ - AA, so I discount these. He ain't calling with a pocket pair under ten either, so I discount these also. He's either a clever boy with a set, or a donk with AT or thereabouts.

Turn is a bitch. Another Ten.

My opponent checks (of course he does - dickhead). I obviously check.

River is another rag. He leads out with a bet of about 7000 (into a pot of about 60 000). I make the crying call, he shows KT.

Nice hand sir, nice hand.


I had 17 000 after that and never recovered. Went out 151st.

That smell of victory? Well, just the scent, unfortunately.

Surprise Surprise

Unbelievably, I was going to provide a good news story. I was going to tell you all how I battled through a field of 304 to win a seat (one of four) into the 200 + 15 WSOP Satellite on Party. I was going to tell you about the huge pot I took down on the final table against the other chip leader (full house v. flush). Beautiful to see. I had a monster chip lead after that and proceeded to bully the table visciously. And with impunity - when it went from 9 down to 5 players, all the other players remained between 80 000 and 100 000 in chips (to my 500 000). No-one wanted to take a risk or stand up to me, and I was merciless. I raised every other hand. I crippled one poor bloke after I bluffed him out of a pot when I was holding 24 (no pair). And I showed it.


So, after 5 or so hours, I won the damn thing, and got myself a seat in a WSOP Satellite. It was about 5.40 in the morning by this stage so I went to bed.

I was going to tell you all this, go through the keys hands, pontificate a little on satellites - you know, the usual. But I was wasting my time. I could have bubbled and it wouldn't have made a difference. I may as well not have played at all.

Why?

Well, here it is: my understanding was I now had a freeroll into a 200 + 15 satellite, to be taken at a time of my choosing. This is what has happened in the past. You click on the tournament when you want to play it and the icon asks if you want to use your freeroll.

How wrong I was.

I woke up after midday and turned the computer on to check my emails. I had an email from Party saying that I had to play in the following WSOP Satellite. Right. This was new to me. Seems a touch arbitrary, but that's fine. The email gives me the time and date, but that doesn't mean much to an Australian as North America is about a day behind depending on what part of the country you're standing in. So I fire up party and get the following message: "taking you to WSOP Satellite". Huh? It's already started?

The table pops up. I have... 900 in chips. Blinds are 150/300. I stare dully at the screen for a while, uncomprehending.

They fucking what?

They put me in a satellite - automatically, without notifying me - four hours after I win a seat (at 5.30 in the morning). What the fuck.

It doesn't say this on the tournament information, by the way, it says the prize is a 'seat into the WSOP satellite'. For the Freeroll tournaments, for example, it specifically says that you win a seat into 'the NEXT freeroll satellite'. Not so with the standard satellites. Just in case, I checked when the next satellite was going to be just before I went to bed. There wasn't one registered.

So that's $215 down the drain. I emailed Party. They gave me some pro-forma reply saying they don't provide refunds. I told them I didn't want a refund, I just wanted a fair go. All I wanted was to play in the damn WSOP satellite, to which I had won a seat. They haven't replied my second email yet. I'm not keeping my hopes up.

It seems even when I win I take a bad beat. Damn it.

They make millions a day on that fucking site. And here is one of their customers who's obviously been screwed. I'm not shooting an angle or trying to get something to which I am not entitled. I just want to damn well play. That's all.

To be continued.

Get Fucked

Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo $10 re-buy tournament last night. 90 runners, 10 get paid. I come in 11th.

Get fucked.

Pot Limit Omaha Hi/Lo $10 re-buy tournament tonight. 60 runners, 8 get paid. I come in 9th.

Fuck that.


I've had it. It's wearing me down. I know I'm not playing great. But I also know that I'm experiencing what they call 'running bad'. Poker ain't fun at the moment and doesn't even particularly feel like a challenge. Unless you call hitting your head against a brick fucking wall challenging.

It's not challenging as the hands that are killing me are playing themselves. The air of inevitability hangs over my game at the moment. The inevitability of getting frustrated, angry; hell, I even feel bitter, as sad as that may sound. I think I need a break.

But either way, poker can get fucked.

Three Horrible Hands

AT, AJ, and AQ. Suited or unsuited. Deathtraps, one and all.

They are the crack cocaine of tournament poker. An addiction that will kill you. The problem is, in particular when the blinds are getting large, and you have a medium or small stack - these are damn hard hands to get away from.

I've pretty much given up on trying to play AT or AJ. I'll put in a healthy raise in late position to take the blinds and antes, but I do not want to see a flop. Even if you hit. You may well be out-kicked. TJ Cloutier rightly calls AJ the biggest trap hand in hold-em.

There was a time where I was happy to play AJ and AT aggressively. But those times are over. As I look over my tournament results, it becomes abundantly clear that in the serious hands late in the tournament where I lost serious chips, that a big ace was regularly involved. As I also have an irrational (but likely profitable) love of continuation bets, the Big Ace has often spelt my doom.

So I want you all to know that I'm giving them both up. I'm going on the program. I'm not going to go cold turkey, of course - it's not that simple. You'll understand if I have a re-lapse every now and again. Limping when I shouldn't. Raising on super agressive tables out of position. Check-calling when I hit my Ace but I still know I'm beat. You'll understand that I'm human, but I'm doing the best I can. Addiction is a difficult beast to master.

AQ on the other hand. Well, I'm not sure I can ever give it up. If one hand in the game is my nemesis, AQ would be it. I'm pretty sure this particular that hand, more than any other, has spelt the end of my campaign in many a tournament.

But you know what, I think I may change the way I play it. Sometimes a lot slower, in particular out of position. I may even consider NOT raising with it every now and again. I know I know, in the land of NL hold 'em, the aggressive man is king. But I think it the case, in lower buy-in tournaments, when the range of hands that will call you are horrendous, no matter what your raise, that AQ becomes marginal - marginally profitable, and a deathtrap in multi-way pots when blinds are large and the trigger finger of one's opponents itchy and idiotic.

So, as I find my self consistenly getting in about the top 7 - 10% of the field in most of the tournaments I play - but rarely further, it seems to me I have to seriously re-assess the way I play some hands.

I think I could lose AT from my game and be all the better off for it (sure - I'll raise from it on the button, but I'd raise with anything from the button).

AJ can be my methodone. I'll use it only on a strictly controlled program.

AQ, well, AQ's a bitch; I've had it with this damn hand and I really wouldn't mind never seeing it again. AQ is probably the hardest of these three hands to play - fold or call? Raise or re-raise? Play slow or play fast? It could well be the hardest hand to play in all of hold 'em. I'm not in the habit of wanting hard decisions in tournaments. I can't read low-limit players online - who can? Who can understand their logic? Who can find method in their madness? I certianly cannot. And in this context, I prefer hands that play themselves. Small pocket pairs, small suited connectors, the big pocket pairs - these hands do all the work themselves. You're either way ahead or way behind - you either hit or you don't (and obviously the high pocket pairs can still be gold even when they do not hit).

But AQ? Even when you hit, you're just not far enough ahead to outswin the tide of donkeys at Party. They are waiting for you to play AQ. They are just falling over themselves to run you down. And they will. There's just too many. It's inevitable.

Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award (April Edition)

I probably should re-name this the 'bad beat blog', but I think that one is already taken. Not sure if you're sick of hearing my bad/tough beat stories. I'm a bit sick of telling them, to be honest. But I just have to get it out of my system otherwise I'll implode. I guess this blog is what they call carthartic in this regard.

Three wicked tough beats in three consecutive SNGs a few nights back. Check this out:

(the next three paragraphs are 'bad beat' papagraphs, and not particularly interesting. Skip at your own discretion).

First SNG, first hand, I get dealt T9s (6-handed). I limp on the button. Flop comes down with an ace and one of my suit. Everyone checks. Turn comes a fourth of my suit. I semi-bluff given no-one seems interested, and get one caller. River completes my flush. I bet, get raised, I re-raise, and get raised again. Hmm. Ok, I just call. He turns over AQs for the nut flush. Ok, sure. No pre-flop raise, no bet on the flop with a pair of aces with Q kicker. Fine. Anyway, I was crippled after that hand and didn't last much longer.

Next SNG was a wild one. Still on the first level and only four remained. One player limps, I complete on the SB with 64 (come on - it only cost me 20), BB checks. Flop Q64, I bet, BB raises, Limper flat calls. Hmm. Not liking my hand as much anymore, but I think it possible one has hit a Queen and one has a stupid draw. I push. BB calls with Q4. Ouch. Limper calls and shows AA. Dufus. Turn is a Q. Oh dear.

The good news story is the one guy not in the pot had about 300 chips left, and so limped into the money when two bigger stacks got smashed on the same hand. So, I guess my demise gave him a pleasant surprise.

Last SNG of this trio, I am dealt KJs on the button about three or four hands in. I'm a bit shaky after the last two SNG and limp in behind two others with much apprehension. Flop comes (AT5) of my suit. Gin. I check behind everyone else. Turn a blank, I bet, two callers. River an A. I'm reasonably happy here as I figure one of the two callers has hit trip Aces. First position bets, I raise, he puts me all-in. Hmm. I sigh and call. He shows 55 for the rivered boat. Ah my, ah me.

May I continue in this vein? Or blue vein as the Champ would put it?

I shall.

Satellite into the 200k guaranteed at Party. 117 runners, four get seats, the next three get some cash. I play tight, solid play, restraining myself from trying anything tricky. I make it to the final table. With 9 left, I find QQ on the button. With blinds at 1000/2000/75, big stack raises to 8000, I come over the top for 32 000. He insta-calls - oh yes he does - for 40 per cent of his stack - oh yes it was - with his mighty A6.

Motherfucker.

I mean, seriously, Ace fucking six? On what planet is that a good hand?

Planet Earth, apparently, as my two sweet ladies got defrocked and sent out to the store for some beer and chips.

Before I move on to the much anticipated Play of the Month Award, I should say that I'm not under the illusion that I'm some sort of poker genius on a bad run of cards. I know this is not the case. But I do think it fair to say I am a solid novice experiencing a really wicked run of beats.

But anyway, this one is a beauty.

It's one of those WSOP Freerolls on Party Poker (I know, Freeroll + PP = Worst Beats Ever, by definition, but hear me out). So i've got K9 on the button (yes, yes, in know, bad beat stories can't start with the words, 'I was holding K9', but don't leave yet). Two limpers come in before me, blinds check.

Flop K95. Nice. First limper bets, next player calls, I raise, first limper goes all-in, second limper calls, I shrug and call.

First limper shows K5. Nice. Second shows A8. Huh?

Turn 6, river 7. The chips float over to our friend with the A8. For a moment I sit there stunned, wondering why I didn't win take the pot. Is there some sort of bug on Party? The computer has made a mistake, has it not? What is happening here? Then I see the runner-runner gutshot. Oh right, yeah. Cheers.

He was 3% on the flop. He committed all his chips after there was a bet before him, a raise behind, and a re-raise all-in in front of him. And he did it with Ace high and no draw. Kudos to you, nameless PP donkey (I was too stunned to take down his screen name at the time), for really making my night. I haven't lost many pots to an opponent who was 3% on the flop, but this one takes the cake for one of the most appalling calls I have ever seen.

The Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award deservedly goes to this little episode. Kudos.

***

Went to a free tournament at a pub out of town. I figured that while being free, it offered me an opportunity to practice some of my live poker skills. As further evidence of poker's skyrocketing popularity, this small pub found itself unable to fit all the players at the 8 tables it had set aside for the night, so they made a list of alternates in order to give everyone a shot (the tables were 8-handed). Including all the reserves, there must have been 90 runners.

Key hands:

#1) My starting stack of 1500 had been whittled down to 750 after being cold decked for four levels (I'm sure you'll appreciate that stealing pots is out of the question at an extremely loose table in a free tournament). With the blinds 100/200, I found AK UTG (easily my best hand of the night thus far). I push, getting three callers (as you'd expect). Flop AK5. Nice. Hand holds up against A4, 99 and 33, and I quadruple up.

#2) After working my way up to about 6000, I find KK in second position with the blinds at 500/1000. UTG goes all in for about 4000, I push, everyone folds. UTG has AT. Flop is all blanks. Turn brings a third heart. I note that I have the Kings of hearts, but that my opponent has the Ace of hearts. River a fourth heart. Oh the pain. I feel myself burning with frustration and my capacity to stop myelf from howling in anguish faltering. Luckily I keep my mouth shut and just shake my head. Fortunately the person who cracked my Kings is a friend and was equal parts ecstatic and apologetic (and drunk on white wine). If anyone was going to crack my Kings, I guess I'm glad it was her. But it still fucking sucked.

#3) Next hand I am UTG with 2300 left in my stack. I am steaming. I see 97s and push all my chips into the middle with not a little bit of anger (although in retrospect it wasn't such a bad play given my stack - Harrington would probably approve). All fold quickly to the button who thinks for a while before folding. My king-cracking friend is on the BB; she thinks for even longer, and then folds. Button tells me he had J9, BB said she has A7 but felt bad about cracking my kings so didn't call. I tell them I had AJ and carefully unclench my bladder muscles.

#4) Next hand, I have 2800 left (with 1000 in the middle for my BB). Button raises to 2000 leaving himself 500 behind, SB folds, I look down on Q8 and say 'ok let's get it all in the middle') (I mean, what else am I going to do here?). Button puts in his last 500 and turns over A6. I'm not too far behind, and end up a long way ahead when I river a Q high straight.

Now I'm looking a bit better with 6800.

#5) I think I stole a few blinds in late position in the next couple of cycles. Perhaps three circuits later I get A4s on the button and push. The big blinds thinks a bit then calls... with A3. Flop has a four. Nice. He has me covered by a few hundred so I double up to about 14 000.

I steal a few more times and with about 20 people left, I have around 18000 in chips.

#6) I feel pretty comfortable after this and cruise to the final table (of 8). I think we're down to six when the button raises my big blind 3000. Unfortunately for him, the blinds are 4000 - 8000. There are no rules for minimum raises at the tournament so the bet stands. I have to put 3000 into a put of 23000 and so auto-call (with 96 - not that it matters). Flop comes T72. I check, my opponent checks. This player basically only bets when he hits, doesn't fold pre-flop, but was capable of folding post-flop when he missed. As such, I was going to go all in no-matter what if a blank came off on the turn. The turn obliged by giving me a wonderful looking 2, I push, he folds. Thanks.

#7) I still haven't figured out if I made a mistake this hand. Long story short, in a three way pot, there was 24000 in the middle. A player to my left goes all-in for 8000. The other player folds. The board reads (JJ8)(2) with three diamonds. I had K7 with the King of diamonds (I was on the big blind, ok?). The all-in guy had checked the flop. Off the top of my head, I figure if he has the jack, then I have 8 outs to the flush (discounting the 9th flush card which will also give him the boat). That's about 16% I guess or 5 to 1. If he has the 8 then I have 9 outs for the flush + 3 for the King giving me 13 or 26%. Which is about 3 to 1. A call is correct here. In retrospect I didn't put him on the Jack, so I guess I should have called. Oh well. (I obviously didn't include here option 3) he already had the boat and I was drawing dead (unlikely), or 4) he was on a pure bluff and I had the best hand (unlikely but slightly more possible than 3)).

#8) Still 6 left. Chip leader has about 50 000, I have about 25 000, everyone else is short-stacked. UTG goes all-in for 12 000, I look down and find QQ, and happily shove all my chips in. The chip leader is on the BB. He looks at his cards, looks at my bet, thinks for a while, and calls with 99. UTG has 55. Nice. Even if I lose to the 55 here, I still win a decent side pot (26 000).

So a 9 promptly comes out on the flop. Fuck. I shake my head, shake everyones hands, and go out 5th. The pub gave me a six-pack of Crownies for my efforts, so it wasn't all bad.

***

Live tournament last. 90 entry fee; three tables. I nearly double my starting stack of 3000 in the first round after a big stack bluffs a heap of chips to me when I have a boat. I lose most of them in not long after when a) I fail to see a third person in a pot, and bluff in I spot where I normally wouldn't (bad play - I was focussing on the good player at the table and didn't see the thrid player call my raise) (for the record, he had JJ and limped, she had KK and also limped (from chronic timidity - not trying to make a move or anything - I find TT on the button and raise. Flop was A62 rainbow, I feel that the first limper has missed the flop and bet - he folds, I go to rake the pot and hear 'call' from my right. Stunned, I turn and see a third player - a tight, sometime calling station in the pot. Great.)

I was angry at myself after this mistake. Steaming. A few hands later I hit top set on a board of 962, all diamonds. Early player bets, I put him all in, he calls with KJ (with the K of diamonds). Donkey rivers his flush and my stack is crippled.

I was unusually pissed off after this. Very, very frustrated. I think I may give that particular tournament a rest for a little while. Taking beats when you're a mile in front is one thing, but making fundamental errors like FAILING TO SEE ANOTHER PLAYER IN THE POT is something else again. I'll have to think on this one, but I think I deserve an honourable mention in the Play of the Month Awards.

The Lull Before the Storm

SNG Update:

(10+1) NLHE 6-handed (profit/loss: +275.00)

1st: 17

2nd: 13

3-6th: 29

ITM: 51%

I'm reasonably happy with these results; my goal is to get into the money 50 percent or better of the time, and clearly I'm scraping by in this regard.

***

Last Thursday was probably a low point for me. I've been running bad for about three weeks, and all the bullshit seem to culminate that evening.

I was playing in a live tournament at my local casino. I hadn't hit any big hands, but had managed to steal a few pots and was traveling ok on an average stack. I was in a fairly good mood as I'd picked up a tell on one of the players - a young guy who seemed to know all the poker theory but also seemed in awe of live play. Probably he was weaned on the Internet. But anyway, we tangled on one particular hand - he bet pre-flop, bet the flop, checked the turn, and I took it away from him on the river with nothing. There are times at the table (that I experience all too rarely) when you can feel with near 100 per cent certainty that the pot is yours. And this is how I felt against this particular player. His pre-flop bet was positional, and his post flop bet was a timid little quarter-pot bet that screamed weakness. When I made a pot sized bet on the river, he made a show of thinking about calling, but I just knew his cards were going to find there way into the muck.

Anyway, as this isn't a good news story, I'll get to the point.

So the cards went dead and the blinds got big. I put it in all in the middle with AQ, and found myself against AT.

And the flop comes (ATx). Hmm.

Just not finding a groove in live play these days.

So I collect myself, go home, and fire up a 6-handed SNG. Second hand I get dealt AK and raise it up. Two callers including a guy who just limped. Flop A33. Nice. I bet about 3/4 of the pot and get two callers. It's hard to put either of them on a 3 here. Sure, it's the internet, but for whatever reason (no substantive reason when you think about it - it was the second hand of the match - but I felt it anyway) I thought one had a worse Ace and the other was an idiot with a medium pocket pair. Turn 5. Well, unless one of these guys has A5 I'm fine, right? So I put in a big bet, one folds, the pre-flop limper goes all-in. I have him covered and it's not much more to call, so I call. He shows 55. Hmm. Nice call on the flop dickhead.

So I lose the rest of my chips when I push my short stack in on 99 and run into KK. Sigh.

So with my head starting to spin slightly with discontent, I fire up a second game and... the computer switches off. Huh?

I turn it off and on again. I pull out every plug and re-plug. Still nothing.

That's about the extent of my computer knowledge. You know that skit where Seinfeld says something like: "Why do I get out of the car when it breaks down and look under the hood? I have no idea what I'm looking for. Unless there's a big on/off switch on the engine, the car's not going anywhere". Well, that's how I am with computers.

So I lose my buy-in for that SNG and go cool off.

If I wasn't getting decent results with 6-handed SNGs I'd be broke by now. Something just isn't clicking for my tournament play. It's not that I'm playing badly; to be honest I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just having a quiet spell with the cards and playing with less than optimum confidence.

Of course, I'm not going to sit back and imagine that it will all come good. I'll keep putting in the hard yards. I finished Harrington's second volume (which I strongly recommend) and am flicking through Super System 2. I've got a number of live tournaments lined up for the next few weeks, and that dreadful mirage known as Party Poker will always be there, with its promise of great riches shimmering in the distance. May I find my way through this desert.

A New Pair of Pants

No, the bad beats haven't ended; the past few days I have found myself tilting worse than I have in some time.

But let's not dwell on this today. Rather, I would like to recall an unexpectedly pleasant ending to the previous evening.

Down to the last three people in a 6-handed SNG.

Sweet dreams are made of these:


***** Hand History for Game 3776219595 *****

Seat 2 is the button

Seat 1: TheRoyalSampler (5645)
Seat 2: anna2201 (1330)
Seat 4: jordanc1 (5025)

Dealt to TheRoyalSampler [ As, Ad ] (Is that all?)
anna2201 folds (You'll be patting yourself on the back for this fold real soon, baby)
jordanc1 calls (50) (But I'm afraid Jordan, that the bell tolls for thee)
TheRoyalSampler raises (150) to 250 (Jordan has shown previously that if he's limping, he's calling any raise that follows)
jordanc1 calls (150)

** Dealing Flop ** : [ Ac, 6d, 2h ]

jordanc1 checks

(Ok, so I casually click check after nearly messing my pants)

TheRoyalSampler checks

** Dealing Turn ** : [ 2c ]

(Splooge. Damn - and these are my favourite corduroys)

jordanc1 checks

TheRoyalSampler bets (150)

(Come on baby - have something, a little something, take the bait; bluff me, anything, god, anything)

jordanc1 calls (150)

(ok - now how much value can I extract on the river?)

** Dealing River ** : [ 8c ]

jordanc1 bets (800)

(Hmm. I put him on hitting runner-runner for the club flush here (he has never tried a bluff with this betting pattern before, so I discount that possibility). Anyway, a gentle raise should do the trick)

TheRoyalSampler raises (1800) to 1800

(Now, who could say no to that?)

1800jordanc1 raises (2000) to 2800

(Thank you, Poker Gods)

TheRoyalSampler raises (3445) to 5245

TheRoyalSampler is all-In
jordanc1 calls (1825)
jordanc1 is all-In
Creating Main Pot with $10050 with jordanc1


So the Board reads: [ Ac 6d 2h 2c 8c ]

The RoyalSampler Shows: [ As Ad ] [ a full house, Aces full of twos -- As,Ad,Ac,2h,2c

While our hapless foe reveals: [ Ah 2s ] [ a full house, Twos full of aces -- Ah,Ac,2s,2h,2c ]

Ouch.

But That's not all, check out the very next hand:

Total number of players : 2
Seat 1: TheRoyalSampler (10670)
Seat 2: anna2201 (1330)
TheRoyalSampler posts small blind (50)
anna2201 posts big blind (100)

** Dealing down cards **

Dealt to TheRoyalSampler [ 7h, 6d ]
TheRoyalSampler calls (50)
anna2201 checks

(Ok, let the heads-up battle begin. I've been reading Harrington; I'm ready)

** Dealing Flop ** : [ 5c, 4h, 3c ]

(SPLOOOOOOGE. Damn, I'm going to have to burn these now.)

(The next problem is Anna - she's been the tightest player on the table by far until this point, I feel I'm going to trouble extracting much from this hand)

anna2201 bets (1230)
anna2201 is all-In.

(Huh?)

TheRoyalSampler calls (1230)

** Dealing Turn ** : [ 7c ]
** Dealing River ** : [ 3d ]

So the Board looks like this: [ 5c 4h 3c 7c 3d ]

TheRoyalSampler reveals: [ 7h 6d ] [ a straight, three to seven -- 7h,6d,5c,4h,3c ]

While our second hapless foe turns over: [ 4s 2d ] [ two pairs, fours and threes -- 7c,4s,4h,3c,3d ]

Just when you think poker is a heartless, unforgiving beast, she turns around and blesses you with a little moment like this.

But don't be fooled. She is heartless and unforgiving. She's a soul-eater.

But I'm willing to let that slide for today.

A Poker Farce

History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.

Karl Marx


I guess this is just a continuation of my previous ‘bad beat’ blog entry. But, if I stand back and have a look at it; I mean, if it’s possible to be objective in such a situation, I think it reasonable to say that things are just getting ridiculous now.

I deal with bad beats a lot better these days. I know, on an intellectual level, that they are part of the game, so I brush aside the pieces of my cracked aces, and continue. But lately, my stoicism has slipped. I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore.

A sat down last night to try to recover my short-handed SNG stats, which had taken a battering after a series of horrible and/or tough beats (as outlined in my previous blog). I was going to try to put in a decent session; try to get back on track.

Until the first game I play, where I find my self at a table with three maniacs and two calling stations (the type of maniac here is not one with any redeeming qualities; most of these low-level buy-in maniacs fall into the category I call ‘stupid/aggressive’). So I decide to tread very carefully with the stupid/aggressives and the calling stations. The player seated to my immediate left manages to get his stack to about 6000 in short order, and then proceeds to put anyone who dares enter a pot with him all-in with massive overbets. ‘Fine’, I think, as I fold KJ, ‘I’ll wait for a monster and double through’. So I wait. I get trash trash, and more trash. Stupid aggressive #1 loses his chips then gains them again a couple of times, we’re down to four, and I still haven’t hit a hand – not even one worth playing short-handed. Then I see KK. Thank you. I raise, Stupid, aggressive #1 puts me all-in, I call, he shows J4o, I double through. Two hands later, stupid/aggressive #2 raises, I find AK and push, he insta-calls with AQ, I flop a King and he turn and rivers a T and J respectively. Hmm.

Ok, it’s just runner-runner straight. Not really worth blogging about, right? Right.

What if it happened 5 SNGs in a row? And 8 from the last 10 I’ve played?

Perhaps a little bit more blogable, and certainly frustrating for someone like me who has been playing only 18 months, but not necessarily out of the ordinary.

But what if, in addition to all this, I’ve run KK into AA in the last three tournaments I’ve played (when the AA was held by a proven stupid/aggressive player). For a neophyte like me, that’s starting to get pretty grim. I’m starting to fray at the edges a little, know what I mean?

So I decide to take a step back from the SNGs.

And this leads us to the WSOP freeroll on Party. What a minefield. I’ve seen some wickedly aggressive, over the top, maddeningly stupid play before, but I think this particular freeroll would top a bad day at the play-money tables. The swings were unbelievable, the play unfathomable. It wasn’t poker. It had no resemblance to anything I’d read or seen at a poker table – certainly no the scale and intensity of it, in any case. Betting, calling, and raising from the players at the table was arbitrary – the decisions they made appear utterly random, entirely illogical.

But, unbelievably, I managed to navigate these unforgiving waters without too much angst. I tripled up early and basically cruised from there on in. I don’t think I ever put all my chips in the middle after I tripled up (until the last hand, of course). I just waited patiently, forgot about trying to bluff, and bet for value when ever I had a hand. And I got paid off every time – EVERY SINGLE TIME. I can’t tell you how many times I was called down by someone with Ace or King high – when I had a straight or a flush or better. Once I was called down by two players with nothing but busted draws (the best either had was Q-high I think) when I had a set (yes – they both called my value bet on the river).

So it got to the stage were I had about 72 000 and the average was about 80 000. There were about 80 players left – the top 50 got a seat into the big freeroll in few days time (this is the freeroll giving away 1 seat into the 50 000 buy-in HORSE Tournament, 9 seats in the WSOP Main Event, and a bunch of seats for smaller buy-in tournaments). I still felt comfortable, but in the back of my mind felt that 72 000 would not be quite enough. Not quite enough to fold into the top 50, in any case. I’d still have to make the occasional steal to ensure a spot.

So I’m moved to a new table. Second hand I’m dealt KK in the Big Blind. Blinds are 1500/3000/75, cutoff raises to 9000. I just call, partly to be conservative, partly to spring a trap on the raiser later in the hand (it is worth pointing out that the highest pocket pair I had until this time in the tournament was 88).

Anyway, the flop turn and river came ten-high. Guess what my opponent had? Go on.

Of course he did, fucking AA. What a joke. What the fuck star was I born under that I can run KK into AA in four consecutive tournaments? I’m serious. Like I said, I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.

But it doesn’t end there. By the turn I smelled a rat you see, so I managed to conserve about 40 000 of my chips. But soon the blinds were going to hit 2000/4000/100 and I was getting short stacked.

But then the cards went cold. Frigid. And every time I was in position to steal, someone before me would raise. I think in two levels I won the blinds twice – with the best two hands I was dealt in that period: KT and QJ.

So now the blinds are 3000/6000/100 and I am sitting on a stack of 20 000, and beyond desperate. 55 players remain. As much as I wish it, I can’t fold into the top 50. I have to win a hand.

So I find KQ in the cutoff. It’s folded around to me. That’s as good as it’s going to get, right? So I push.

The big blind calls with 89o. Of course he does.

Flop comes (Q8x) river and turn are blanks. I clap my hands together, I see no straight, no two pair, there’s 48 000 in the middle, I’m home.

But the pile of chips hovers over to my opponent. What? I look again at the board. The turn and river are spades. Two spades fell on the flop. My opponent has the 9 of spades. Neither my K nor Q are black.

2048 entrants; 50 get seats; I’m out 55th. Four hours just for a kick to the groin.

Fuck.

So I’m glad I could run KK into AA AND I could get busted by runner-runner near the bubble like this. It just bought all those different strands of my poker fate together.

But I guess I have to take it. And keep taking it, no matter how mad I get. ‘Cause that’s the fucking game, right?

Right.

The Skill Game

Just some bad beat stories. Don't like 'em? Bad luck.

2.5 hours into some retard tournament on Party. Near the bubble (of course); picked up AA (of course); raise, and am called by chip leader/calling station/fucktard. Flop (Q56). Nice. I bet, chip leader raises, I push for 4000 more (about 80% the size of the pot). Chipleader/fucktard turns over... T6. I kid you not. The turn gives him two pair. Sigh.

I get from the computer, wailing and gnashing my teeth, and resolve to blog about such injustice.

6-handed SNG soon after. Dealt AK (of course). Flop KK2. I check, do a little check-raise on two others in the pot, one drops out. Turn a blank. I bet half the pot, my opponent calls, I'm pretty sure he has the other K at this stage. River a jack, my opponent suddenly springs to life and bets 70% of my remaining chips. My spider sense goes off - hmm I wonder what he has? So I just call. He turns over KJ (of course). Fuckwit.

And everyone at the table is typing 'nh' and 'well played' in the chat box. Huh? Wankers.

So I fight my way back to 1000 in chips in the same SNG. Everyone limps, I limp with A2 on the button. Flop (942) all diamonds. It's checked to me, and I push with my monster (I hold the Ace of diamonds), get called by 88, who does not have a diamond in his hand. Turn a (2), giving me trip 2s; river the 8 of diamonds, giving me the nut flush and shit-eater the boat. Sure, I was only a slight favourite after the flop, but fuck, can I win a coinflip? (and does the concept of folding equity even apply to online poker?)

But anyway, I just wanted to say this: thank you poker gods, thank you.

But I seriously can't win a coinflip. I just fucking can't. In three consecutive SNGs, all three on the bubble, I had 77 lose to AQ; 88 lose to AQ, and AQ lose to 22 (note the blinds were very high at this stage). Stupid game. Stupid me for playing aforementioned game.

Runner runner straight? Sure! Runner runner flush? No problem sir, here, have another. 2 outs? That's one more than you need, my friend! River me, my chips are yours; call me with any two, you'll come up trumps.

Thank you poker gods, thank you poker: the sport of champions, the skill game.





Post script: On the SNG bubble last night AK v A4, fucktard rivers flush, I'm crippled. He knocks me out 6 hands later when I put AT against his A6 and he rivers another flush. Hmm.

Next SNG I run KK into AA three-handed. Hmm.

In the following SNG, I'm chip leader until the same guy gets all his chips in against me twice in a row, with one card to come, on a draw both times, and I have top pair both times, and he hits. Hmmm.

Note to self: stop waving fist and cursing the poker gods.

A Confession

So I don't think I've actually posted specific details of my results here. This is how things stand at the moment for SNGs (played over the last 4 - 5 weeks).

(5+1) Ten-handed (profit/loss: +53.00)

1st: 5
2nd: 6
3rd: 6
7-10th: 20

ITM: 46%

(10+1) Ten-handed (profit/loss: +12.00)

1st: 1
2nd: 1
3rd: 1
4-7th: 5

ITM: 37.5%

(10+1) Six-handed (profit/loss: +146.00)

1st: 7
2nd: 2
3-6th: 5

ITM: 64%


Before I discuss these results - first a confession: I ground out a mildly decent bankroll from humble beginnings playing limit (1-2) and no limit (50 buy-in) hold 'em. By decent I mean I got to about 1k after starting at 100 (that's just from my winnings - I don't get rakeback or anything like that).

And then I just about blew the lot.

When I hit 1000 I switched from my bread and butter - which then was essentially NL hold 'em ring games - to playing satellites and non-hold 'em forms of poker. In the satellites I technically was ahead - I won two seats into Party's Million Dollar Guaranteed (640 a piece). But as I didn't cash either time, I really had nothing to show for it. As to the cash games, I played Omaha Hi/Lo, 7 Card Stud and 7 Card Hi/Lo. I thought it a good opportunity to exercise some different poker muscles (for example, memory for 7-card, and the various calculations (odds and outs) consistently required for Omaha). I hadn't really read up on high/lo versions of the game, so I basically learnt from experience. I think when I started I was playing about 80% of hands in Omaha hi/lo ('so many combinations for this hand - I can't possibly lose!'); I ended up playing about 30%.

Anyway, I don't have poker tracker and I went through a period of one or two months where I didn't record my win/loss record. Which was pretty dumb. But while probably broke even playing Omaha Hi/Lo, I was likely a losing player in 7-card and dropped a lot on satellites.

Now, I regret my ill-discipline during this period, but I don't regret trying out new forms of the game. I didn't mind that I lost my roll, as I felt I became a better player during that time. However, I probably could have learnt the same lessons at half the price had I showed some fucking discipline (you know the old 'tilt' tale about losing at a certain level, and then deciding that going UP a level is a good idea - I did that more than a few times).

But anyway, I got busted down to 50 bucks - which I felt was a pretty good reason to switch to 5+1 SNGs and reassert some discipline. It was hard, I have to say, sticking to low buy-in SNGs and staying away from the viscitudes of tournament play. But I've pretty much stuck to it thus far.

But I figured out one thing for sure during this period - for good or ill, I'm a tournament player. I love them, and cash games pale in comparison. I love the extra layer of strategy involved in tournament play. Constantly having to think about both your table and your broader tournament tactics, adjusting your play as the blinds increase, as tables get shorter, as the bubble approaches. The feeling of accomplishment when making it to a final table after wading through a sea of competitors has no parallel in a cash game. Through grit, patience, courage, discipline, endurance, through solid strategic thinking, tournament play can be immensely rewarding (and conversely heart-breaking when you put all these elements together and STILL get busted by a horrible play). The thing is, there's a dimension to tournament play that simply doesn't exist in cash games. Sure, I want to win money when I play - what else can be a mark of your ability over the long term? But I want to do more than just win money, which is where tournament play - in all its complexity - enters the picture.

(Granted, unless I get a big score in a tournament, I will need to play SNGs online to help ride out the inevitable lows, and I'll play 5-10 live for the same reason)

Now, back to my SNG results: as you may be able to tell from the stats I've listed above - I went on fucking TEAR playing 6-handed SNGs, winning 5 in a row at one point. Sure, I won my fair share of coin-flips - but the key factor in my success thus far has being ultra-aggressiveness. Really taking it to the limits (oh, and winning coinflips). I was pretty much a rock when I started playing (about 18 months ago), but in my online play (less so my live play) I've developed some decent skills at playing short-handed.

Having said that, I have been making appalling errors on a consistent basis, but I'm trying to learn from them. I'm trying to figure out the intelligent limits of super-aggressive play and trying to sense the subtleties that quality aggressive players employ (subtleties I am far from being able to appreciate). This is not to say I've re-invented my game. I figure I'm still going to be tight/aggressive (I think it's just my instinct to play this way), but if I ever want to be able to employ the much vaunted 'changing gears' tactic effectively, well, I figured it may be a good idea to learn HOW to play once I've changed gears.

And there's so much other shit that needs to be learnt. The subtleties of flop texture and interpreting bets and learning when to trust your head or go with gut instinct, and all that other stuff: poker can be a damn fascinating game.

So, I'm back to about 200 bucks. I'm going to keep at the SNGs and try to build my bankroll a bit, blow a little on satellites, then repeat.

Oh, and a final thing: my goal is to win a WSOP seat this year. "You and everyone else, dingleberry," I hear you cry. Well, you're right of course (but did you have to call me 'dingleberry'?). Anyway that's the goal, and I'm going to give it a good shot.

Maybe I'll see you there.

Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award

Firstly, cheers to IGGY, who mentioned this lowly poker hack's blog in the mother-of-all-blogs: Guinness and Poker. Much appreciated.



Yes, it's that time already. I'm sure I could wait 'til then end of the month to ensure that the Play of the Month Award was well and truly deserved - but nothing can beat what you are about to read (for the chronologists out there who note that it already is the end of the month - I started this a few days ago. So bugger off).

I wasn't involved in the hand, but it's just so fantastic. It really affirms my faith in Party Poker.

This is in the second round of a shoot-out tournament. How these guys made it that far- and all ended up at the same table - is beyond me.

But enough of my blather - feast your eyes on this:



***** Hand History for Game 3618622517 *****
NL Texas Hold'em Trny:20468646 Level:9 Blinds-Antes(600/1200-50) - Saturday, February 25, 02:40:49 ET 2006
Table Shootout(609577) Round(2) Table #16 (Real Money)
Seat 9 is the button
Total number of players : 8
Seat 1: LundsSwe ( $27044 )
Seat 2: eddiek1919 ( $33780 )
Seat 4: emcil ( $5694 )
Seat 5: Luv2playS8 ( $5573 )
Seat 6: larickpro ( $35189 )
Seat 7: Ching0Ching ( $14084 )
Seat 8: BIGESWAIN ( $13357 )
Seat 9: anthonywayn ( $11398 )
Trny:20468646 Level:9
Blinds-Antes(600/1200-50)
LundsSwe posts ante [50].
eddiek1919 posts ante [50].
emcil posts ante [50].
Luv2playS8 posts ante [50].
larickpro posts ante [50].
Ching0Ching posts ante [50].
BIGESWAIN posts ante [50].
anthonywayn posts ante [50].
There is no Small Blind in this hand as the Big Blind of the previous hand left the table.
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Ching0Ching [ 4h 6h ]
eddiek1919 folds.
emcil calls [1200].
Luv2playS8 is all-In [5523]
larickpro folds.
Ching0Ching folds.
BIGESWAIN calls [5523].
anthonywayn is all-In [11348]
LundsSwe folds.
emcil is all-In [4444]
eddiek1919: oh my lord
BIGESWAIN calls [5825].
** Dealing Flop ** [ 6c, 2h, 7c ]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 6d ]
** Dealing River ** [ Th ]


And what monsters do these four sharks shelter in their sweaty little palms? Check it out:


emcil shows [ 5h, 5s ] two pairs, sixes and fives.
Luv2playS8 shows [ 4d, Ac ] a pair of sixes.
BIGESWAIN shows [ Kd, Td ] two pairs, tens and sixes.
anthonywayn shows [ Ks, Qh ] a pair of sixes.
BIGESWAIN wins 11408 chips from side pot #2 with two pairs, tens and sixes.
BIGESWAIN wins 363 chips from side pot #1 with two pairs, tens and sixes.
BIGESWAIN wins 23692 chips from the main pot with two pairs, tens and sixes.
Player Luv2playS8 finished in 8th place on this table
Player emcil finished in 7th place on this table
Player anthonywayn finished in 6th place on this table


So many things to love about this hand: emcil pushing with 55 after three all-ins in front of him; anthonywayn pushing with KQ after two all-ins in front of him; BIGESWAIN flat calling the first all-in with KT for 35% of his chips then calling off the rest after two players behind him pushed. AND the worst hand won. But that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Poker - in the words of Mike Matusow - is all skill.

So kudos to three of you: anthonywayn, emcil, and - in particular - BIGESWAIN. You have won February's Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award. Kudos.

Million Dollar Guaranteed

Ah fuck it, I didn’t win; didn’t get in the money: do you really want to hear the rest?

Long story short: 700th from about 1800 runners. 5000 in starting chips – reached a dizzying high of about 5700 early in the tournament; didn’t fall below about 3700.

This is what I didn’t hit in two and a half hours at the table: a boat, a flush, a straight, a set, or two stinking pair. This is what I did hit: the jack of shit, bubkus, the royal sampler (if you don’t know what the royal sampler is: either use your imagination or read the first post). I will admit to hitting top pair twice in the first level – but that was it.

I was forced to steal blinds and bluff in position just to keep my head above water. According to my notes, the last fives hand I won were the following: A4 on aboard of (KQx)(K); J3s on a board of (QA9); AT with (7J5) down; KQ pre-flop, and 98s pre-flop - which tells me I was probably getting a bit desperate.

And I went out making a horrible mistake. A had A9 on the button with one limper. Blinds 300/600. I raised to 1800 instead of pushing. I should have pushed. 1800 was at least half my stack. I was going all-in on the flop anyway, so why not push and increase the chances my hand would win without the need for a showdown? Bad play; bad mistake. Anyway, I was called by KQ and that was that. In my own defence, it was probably the only major mistake I had made.

But in tournament poker, you only need one, right?

Playing QJ: or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Hate Instead

An open letter to poker players who call all-in bets with QJ:

Dear Fuckwit,

Yeah, I’m talking to you. You’re the guy who keeps calling my all-in bets with QJ and busting me off the final table. You’ve done it a few times now, and it’s starting to bother me. You see, I moved in from early or middle position. There were maybe 6 or 7 or 8 people left at the table. I hadn’t played trash at any stage during the night. In fact, I’d only ever shown down very strong hands. I didn’t have a brain explosion; I simply had a good hand.

But you called me with QJ.

You weren’t pot committed, were you, dickhead? You had plenty of chips left. My all-in was at least 5 times the big blind, if not more, and the blinds were very large at this point.

But you called off your whole stack with QJ.

I saw you looking at your cards. I saw that you thought you were beat. So why did you call me anyway, fucker? Are two picture cards just too tempting? Do they draw you in, inexorably, making it impossible to fold? Is QJ your crack cocaine? Do you just have to take that hit?

Sometimes, you don’t even think when you call me; you insta-call with those pretty pictures. ‘Call’ you cry, shoving in your chips, grinning at me with that shit-eating grin. Are you grinning because you think you have an unbeatable monster, or because you know that no matter what I am holding, be it 99 or AQ or JJ, that you’ll fucking hit every fucking time?

How do you know, QJ man? Are you in cahoots with the dealer? Did you put a Voodoo curse on me? Perhaps you are grinning because you just remembered the time your parents took you to the doctor for an enema. Last month.

Sometimes it’s not QJ. Sometimes you call with KJ, sometimes even KQ. But you’re always behind. Always. I just want you to know this. It’s almost always a bad call.

And there’s just one more thing I want you to know, QJ man. It’s nothing personal, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way – but I hate you.

I fucking hate you.

Sincerely

The Royal Sampler

Short Shrift

Poker has been sufficiently uninspired for me of late to hold me back from writing equally uninspired posts. But I can spare you my dullness no longer; so here it is:

I’ve played in two live tournaments recently and didn’t end up anywhere fantastic in either, although I have been fairly happy with my live play overall (I had a small stack on the final table that was eaten up by the blinds on both occasions).

Online I have been grinding away at SNGs. I had something of a purple patch recently, placing in the top three in 5 out of the last 6 (3rd, 2nd, 2nd, 1st, 10th, 2nd); however my overall results for the past two weeks has been 11 ITM for 26 starts, which barely puts me in the black.

The primary event on the radar is Party’s Million Dollar Guaranteed this weekend, for which I won a seat. The poker gods willing, I won’t run KK into AA this time.

That’s that hombres – thanks for stopping by.

Royal Sampler Link of the Month Award

Another blogger linked to me, an occurrence so extraordinary I simply must draw attention to it. The lonely vacuum of my blogging world was pierced by a Will Ferrell avatar, which gave me some hope that some people, somewhere, may be reading this blog (the fact that Will Ferrell was involved made the event doubly pleasing). So kudos to you, Navy Guy Poker - for your act of mercy on this suffering blogger you have received the Royal Sampler Blog of the Month Award, and an inclusion in the elite group of links to my right.

Previous to this, I had a temporary whiff of blogger celebrity when the Blogfather himself assured me he would mention me in his blog (I had emailed to him to plead (and I do mean plead) for his most illustrious attention). But as the weeks went by I realised that IGGY was probably just being ironic, so I hopped back into my box to contemplate the vacuum.

(Entreaty) Come on, IGGY, you’ll link to Dutch Boyd but you won’t link to the Royal Sampler? Where is the justice? (Entreaty Ends)

One other thing – if you, dear reader, don’t think that Anchorman is a work of comic genius, you deserve a roundhouse kick to the groin. Debate is not welcome on this statement of fact.

If you agree that yes, Anchorman is a work of true genius, then feel free to add a comment below. If not – take it to Dutch’s blog: he loves that sort of crap over there.


*****

As to any poker–related activities, I am in a rebuilding stage at the moment. That is, I’ve blown a lot of my bankroll playing satellites into big tournaments, and thus am playing SNGs (lately with little success) until I build my stack up to a reasonable amount. Still a while to go yet.

Other than that, I played a live 20-person tournament last week, and managed to win. But that wasn’t the interesting thing. The interesting thing was this tournament took place in a warehouse in an industrial area of the city I live in.

It felt very Rounders as I was heading out to the location – a phone call beforehand (huddled with two friends at a local pub), an affirmation of the venue and numbers we would bring, crawling along deserted streets trying to find the nondescript doorway. And the set-up was very Rounders: three tables in an unused storage building next to a smash repair joint. Nice.

The characters involved, fortunately, were not Rounders – they were a bunch of young guys fairly new to Hold ‘Em, who wanted to learn, but also were happy just to play and have a few beers.

As to the card playing, we started with 2500 in chips in a medium/fast structure. I hovered around 2500 – 3000 until the final table, where I hit a few hands and managed to build my stack. I went heads-up against a guy who hadn’t properly adjusted to short handed play (he was playing too tight) and kept pushing all-in until I had nearly all the chips (the blinds were pretty big by this stage). I got the rest of his chips when he finally called me with J3 when I held T8s. I turned trips and walked away with 200 bucks.

All in all a pretty good night.

Goldie Locks and the Two Bears

Three handed for nearly an hour; heads up for another hour. Three very different players at the table. One of the hardest satellites I'd ever played.

50 000 chips in play. Only first place receives at seat in Party's Million Dollar Guaranteed.

Seat Ten was aggressive. Damn aggressive. I'd say too aggressive, but the fucker was winning 70% of the pots. He'd raise every single hand. And if anyone had the temerity to call him, he'd put them all-in on the flop. He was nigh impossible to play against.

Seat Seven was tight. Damn tight. I'd say too tight, but even though he'd win about 5% of pots, he was still there, hanging on: a short stack when the final table started, and a short stack now. I saw him play two hands three handed: JJ and KK. He'd wait and wait and wait, and just when you think he was on auto-fold, he'd double himself up.

And there I was, a playing style somewhere in between the two. I would've like to be the more aggressive, but seat Ten had most of the chips and I was forced to pick my spots (the chip break-up was approximately 30 000 (seat Ten), 14 000 (The Royal Sampler), and 6000 (seat Seven). As Ten would raise every hand; I'd wait until I hand any pair, any Ace, or a King and another big card, and come of the top. This kept me slightly ahead of even.

This went on for a long, long time. The chip stacks were not really changing, but the blinds were increasing and the night wearing on - something had to break. Fortunately, it was the chip leader. He'd been making a lot of comments in the chat box, and these comments had progressively gotten angrier ("play a XXXXing hand"; "This is boring"; I have to go to bed"; "wow - we get to see a flop" and so on). I knew that it was getting to him that he just could not knock either of us out. Then he started making mistakes.

I raised pre-flop with 99 and he called. The flop came down A62 and he pushed. I just didn't believe he had the ace. He most certainly would not have bet so big if he did have it - so I called. He showed Q8 and failed to improve. Now his chip lead had been cut right down.

Then I checked A8 on a flop of AQ7, seat Ten bet, I re-raised all-in, and he called with A4. Unfortunately another 7 hit the river and we split. I could understand him making the call here, but his game was deteriorating - and fast. I started coming over the top of him more often, and his confidence seemed to waver.

Then I won a huge pot when my A8 held up against his A7, and when, the very next hand, I got him all-in with 55 against my JJ, it looked like the long time chip leader would be off to the rail. Of course, poker is a bitch, so a 5 flopped and I was knocked back down to about 14 000.

Ten, however, didn't seem to keen to use his new found lead wisely. I doubled through when A6s held up against his KJ (the very next hand), and knocked him out the following hand when he put me all-in when I was holding AJ and he had... 82o. I guess he must have been tired.

Now it was me and the sleeper. He hadn't made a single comment in the chat box, and didn't respond when I gave him the obligatory 'gl' when it got down to heads up.

So I pounded him. I bet and bet and bet and ground him down. And he just kept folding. He seemed content to wait me out.

He got his chance when we saw a flop of A88 - I thought my AQs would be good, but his 86 smashed me in the groin and he doubled up. Shit.

Then my two pair (Kings and Twos) got done by his two pair (Kings and Tens) and I was down to a few thousand chips. Fuck.

So I did what anyone would do with a short stack against a against a tight player: I bet myself out of trouble. I just bit the bullet and bet, raised and pushed whenever I felt weakness. And it worked. Without any major hands going down I managed to grind my way into the chip lead.

Then he hit a set when I had top pair and it was back to square one.

And this is the way it went for the next two levels - I would bully my way to a big chip lead, then I would hit a big hand - and run into a monster (at one stage we both flopped a straight - but his was higher). But as far as I was concerned my aggression was paying off: I had enough chips behind me so when I took a big hit, I could pick myself up off the canvas and go another round. He didn't have that luxury. By ceding so much of the action to me he had nothing to fall back on if one of his big hands didn't hold up.

Soon he was down to a few thousand. Even by his ultra-right standards, he would simply have to play a hand soon. I had him, I fucking had him.

Then connection went down.

("not now, god not now, no no no no"). It went down for some time ("are you fucking serious?"). And i just knew my opponent, after realising my link had gone down, was raising every fucking hand (would i do the same? I don't know. Maybe. I'm not Andrew Black; but I do like to win straight up). By some quirk of the internet, when my connection eventually came back, it flipped through all the hands I'd auto-folded - AK, KQ, QQ, AT - no, I'm no lying.

A became a bit light-headed. Spittle started to fly from my lips everytime I swore. I found strange comfort from the cracking sound the mouse made everytime I slammed it against the desk. I imagined dousing my opponent's house in kerosene and dancing to the towering flames as the night burned red.

I guess I was tilting a little.

And I just couldn't get the fucker down. Silent, patient, watchful: maybe he was a fucking bot. We were approaching the 1500/3000 level and had fought ourselves to a standstill (three-handed play had started at the 150/300 stage). I seemed to be winning most of the pots, yet we remained even in chips. Must have lost a big pot in there somewhere - just can't remember it now. I was starting to feel I couldn't take this bastard out.

So I did what any tired, tilting, desperate cardsman would do in the same situation - I sucked out. I put all my chips in the middle with 55 - he turned over 88. I groaned and sagged back in my chair, then yelped with glee when a 5 hit the turn, and punched the air when all the chips hovered over to my seat.

And of my opponent - who had fought so tenaciously, who had played a short stack so well, who had never given up - I thought: 'fuck you'. Fuck magnanimous, I'm too tired.

So I'm back to square 2: The Million Dollar Tournament.

Let's do it.

Crushed

Fifth hand of the Million Dollar Guaranteed I am dealt KK... and run into AA.

I'm gutted.

He raised pre-flop, I re-raised, he went all-in. I seriously considered folding. I really did. But this is Party Poker and I'm not TJ Cloutier.

The Bubble Bursts

Sometime later, after the dust had settled on the quads debacle, I fired up a 20 + 2 satellite for the Party Million Dollar Guaranteed Tournament.

The first four levels were a desert. Not a single playable hand. My best starting hand was 77(seriously). I made a couple of steal attempts and a couple of bluffs, but even these were largely unsuccessful and by the 25/50 level I had around 300 checks left. So when the action was folded to me and I am dealt QT in the cutoff, I figure it to be as good as it gets, and push. Both blinds call. Board reads (KT3) (6) (2). My opponents show 98 and 73 (nice); I breathe again and triple up (I'm not going to comment on what I was called with here - after betting 6 times the Big Blind - we are talking about Party Poker. No further explanation required).

Then I proceed to go on a rush, building my stack up to about 4200 by the end of the level. I took some big pots down without showing a hand, but the key hand was getting all my chips in with QQ vs AK pre-flop. My hand held up (no, this is not a coinflip: I was a 57 - 43 favourite. It bothers me that people insist on calling this a coinflip. It isn't. I'll take the ladies any day of the week against big slick).

At the 150/300 level I jumped from 6000 to 1800: I had AA twice (I think in three hands), and won without having to show it down. I did get lucky when I busted a short stack with J6 vs AJ (flop was J high, I bet and he min-raised me. Which is just dumb. He priced me into the hand, and as far as I'm concerned it's his own damn fault the 6 hit the turn).

Then I went in two hands in a row in quick succssion against the same guy, who called my all-in re-raises with KJ and AT respectively. On each occassion I had AK. It stood up (what the fuck? AK stood up TWICE? Now that is a blogable occurence), and he went to the rail having put pretty much all his chips on the line with KJ. Again, no sympathy there.

Anyway, things progressed pretty steadily to the final table. With 139 entrants, 4 would win a seat, and the next three got a bit of cash. Bugger all for 8th and above.

So there I was at the bubble, and after pontificating on the correct way to play this stage at some length in my last post, I’m pretty sure I didn’t take my own advice. The first three people were knocked out pretty quick, and with 5 – 7 people left I oscillated between 23 000 and 11 000. I’d win a decent pot, the following hand I’d be dealt a good hand, raise, either be outplayed or outflopped, and be back down again. I was easily the most active player at the table. The chip leader (sitting on about 60 - 70 000 immediately to my left) kept calling my raises and then coming over the top of me on the flop. I was almost convinced he was outplaying me until I watched him play a few hands against other players – where he would either bet if he had it or check it down if he didn’t. Anyway, it’s hard to build a stack when the chip leader keeps hitting hands against you (or, like I said, is outplaying you).

With 6 of us left I took a wicked beat when short stack pushed from the button and I call with 77 on the SB. He shows 67 suited (in hearts)… and makes a straight on the river. Not sure why, but even when I saw his hand, I knew the beat was coming.

(digression) Why is this? Why is it that just sometimes you know, when the chips are all in and before the cards are dealt, you just know where it's going. You can feel the dark cloud of that bad beat creeping up, and even to the turn, even when you only have two outs against you, that terrible sinking feeling in the pit of your guts only intensifies and spreads. And you already feel dead, even before that two outer hits, you're numb (digression ends).

I managed to recover slightly from about 8000 to 13000 (not sure how). And soon, with five people left and the blinds at 500/1000, I was well and truly on the bubble. Two stacks are huge – 80 000 or more; myself and the other two players were around the 10 000 – 13000 mark. I find KT on the button and raise to 3000 – both blinds call (SB is the chip leader and the BB has about 8000 behind, while I have about 10 500 behind). Flop comes down K92 with two hearts. I bet 6000 (which was a mistake, I should have pushed then and there) into a 9000 pot to drive out the draws. Chip leader folds, short stack cold calls with 2000 behind (?). Turn is an offsuit 7, SB pushes, I have to call. He show 67 of hearts (oh how this hand is stalking me) for a pair and a flush draw, rivers a heart, and the motherfucker beats me.

I have about 2300 left and am inconsolable (“how could he make that fucking call?”) and am promptly dealt KT again. Of course I push, and of course my 67s friend (the second 67 guy, not the first one) calls with K8, and of course the flop contains and 8, and just as I pick up my chair to hurl at the monitor, the river brings a T: a beautiful, uplifting, sanity preserving TEN. Thankyou ten, thank you.

So I have about 6800 and push about three times in fairly quick succession (each time I had a little something) and chip up to about 10 000. By now, the other short stack has about 6 000 and was clearly trying fold his way into fourth, and now found himself close to being blinded out. I figure that – if worse comes to worst – I’ll let the fucker get blinded out and gently ease myself past the bubble.

Unfortunately I’m not in the habit of taking my own advice, and when shortstack min-raises UTG (blinds are now 750/1500) and I find 77 on the button, I push. The big stacks get out of the way and leave it to the two desperados to slug it out. Shortstack calls and shows: K2 suited (in hearts). Nice. Flop brings a deuce, turn a fourth heart, and the river shows... a BRICK! What the fuck? The best hand held up?

Unprecedented.

So now I get to have a shot at some real money. Likely I'll go down in flames far short of the cash, but it'll be good to be in the running, at the least. Bit of a pain having to get up at 8.30am on Sunday morning to play (we don't have the luxury of mid-afternoon starts in my part of the world), but I guess I'll live.

Either way, you'll hear how it turns out.

Losing with Quads

Now in my last post I said that there was a particular type of player in the poker world destined to lose with quads, and, on the other side, the sort of guy who beats the poor fucker holding four-of-a-kind. I claimed to be in the 'beaten with quads' category.

Thought that was an exaggeration? Well, the poker gods were listening: check this out.

Just after I finish writing the 'quads' blog, I fire up a P/L HE cash game. First hand I am dealt 22 and check my option. Flop comes 722. I check and it is checked to the button who bets. I call, rest of the table folds. Turn a 7. I am delighted as I’m pretty sure this guy has the other 7. I check, button bets, I go to check-raise and… I am disconnected.

I scream a scream of primeval rage.

I swear. I slam the desk with my fist. And yet I remain disconnected. Long enough anyway that by the time I’m back the table is commiserating me on being disconnected with Quads. Apparently my opponent went all-in after I check-raised – he did have the other 7.

So as I’m reeling from this I am dealt AA. I raise and get two callers. The flop is K high. Someone bets, I raise… and am disconnected again.

I throw my head back and howl - the world is spinning; the neighbour’s dogs start baying in response to the cacophony of fury and torment emanating from my house.

I am reconnected. Unfortunately, I used my last ‘disconnect-protect’ in the last hand and didn’t have time to re-set it. I lose not only the money my opponent would have bet (he went all-in with a pair of Kings) but all the money in the middle as well.

One of the other players at the table types the following: ‘Dude, just get up from the table, and go and watch TV’.

I take his advice.

The Bubble Dance

So the deal is this – I’ve been reviewing my online tournament results in recent times (I hand-write all my results in a journal I keep next to the computer: key hands, chip-count at the end of each level, and so on and so forth – I know I should get poker tracker, I know this is a far superior way to record your results, and I guess I will eventually. But for now I’m a traditionalist – so bugger off). It seems that I am consistently getting deep into each tournament I play – but not deep enough. I seem to regularly get knocked out with about 10% – 20% of the entrants remaining (in anything from 100 to 2000-player tourneys). Of course, the standard tournament pays approximately the top 10% of entrants, so I’m regularly out on the bubble.

So riddle me this: what the fuck am I doing wrong? And what is a good strategy for playing the bubble in tournaments with a low buy-in ($5 - $50)?

I’ve been thinking on this the past couple of weeks and come up with some incomplete and likely flawed guidelines on how to play the bubble:

#1) Contrary to popular advice – people don’t ‘tighten up’ on the bubble

While they may do in live tournaments (I’ve certainly seen this), your average Party Poker player just doesn’t tighten up their play near the bubble in low buy-in events. Sure, some short short stacks (2 times the BB and less), try to stall and fold their way into the money, but as for the rest, I just don’t think they make a tactical adjustment to their play. The problem is that I’ve been reading too many strategy columns that argue for ramping up the aggression near the bubble (as with everyone tightening up you should – in theory – be able to win pots uncontested). So I go and do this (not with trash – I’ll always have a little something to back myself up) and get called called called into oblivion by the poker geniuses populating low buy-in PP tournaments.

#2) ‘Folding equity’ doesn’t apply to calling stations

So anyway, I figure – why not just tighten up? If I have a decent stack, and am not getting premium hands – why try steals and aggressive raises when my opponents simply can’t be steamrolled? For much of the online poker world, the only raise that gets any respect is the all-in (the one that is enough to put your opponent all-in). But this seems like a high risk strategy when your opponents are little inclined obey the mathematical laws of folding equity. And so, if folding equity has less relevance in this context, then starting hand selection proportionally grows in importance.

So this is all fine if you can score a couple of monster hands – if you play them right you can accumulate big chip stack. But what if you don’t? Isn’t the beauty of No Limit that it is the only game where you can consistently win pots without a hand? Well, not all is lost – as there are always stacks (often the medium stacks) you can find at a table who aren’t willing to put up much of a fight for their blinds (and this is true whether they are near the bubble or not). Then there are also the stacks that will always call a pre-flop raise on their blind, and then fold to a continuation bet if they miss the flop. These stacks are tougher to play against, as firstly, you need the stones to fire that second shot, and secondly, you need to trust your judgment enough to believe you’ll make the right decision after the flop. The real problem here is the blind structure – in PP tournaments, you’ll often only have two shots to fire before you are short stacked or busted. Obviously therefore, being able to pick the right spot is absolutely crucial.

Again, the play of your opponents here has little to do with the bubble – these players play the same game whatever the stage of the tournament.

#3) Unfamiliar Players

Towards the end of these tournaments, as players are cut down and table re-organisation becomes more frequent, you will find yourself occasionally being moved to a new table, occasionally at a table that is broken up, and fairly regularly in a situation where new players are moved to your table. This has been said elsewhere, but I think it best to give these people credit. Until you have evidence to the contrary, I usually take the bets these people are making at face value.

#4) If you are a big stack, avoid confrontations with stacks that can hurt you

Like the last one, this is obvious and oft repeated. But seriously, make sure you have a damn good reason before entering a pot – on the bubble – with another stack that can do you damage.

#5) Get Lucky

I'm serious. Win some coinflips, badbeat someone at least once, have your good hands stand up.

I must confess some hypocrisy here. I almost never lay out a bad beat. I rarely win when I'm behind.

Every now and again you'll here a story about someone losing with quads to a straight flush or something equally improbable. In the poker universe, there are the people who have the straight flush and there are the people who have the quads. I'm on the side with the quads. I know probability says that things these even out over time - that you will be equal parts the straight flush man and the dude with quads. Maybe that's right. But there's a part of me, deep down, that knows, just as there is a part of you, dear reader, that understands at some primordial level - that some people DO just get lucky in this world, and some people at the other end of the spectrum DO just get fucked on. It's just the way the universe works.

Don't get me wrong - I would never suggest an individual's results over the long term are luck-dependant (if I did, I wouldn't be playing this damn game), I'm just saying that probability doesn't account for everything.

But anyway, I digressed - the point I was making is this: get lucky every now and again.

In conclusion…

Now, the above advice may appear to be overly cautious – but don’t worry - you still get to carry a big stick. When it’s time to shove all your chips in the middle, it’s time.

But, as I’ve said in earlier posts, patience is a much undervalued poker trait. It only takes a couple of hands to build a monster stack. And if it means folding for a whole level before you hit a hand, then so be it. In the poker world, there seems to be some sort of shame attached to prudence; to a willingness to back down once in a while. Sure, I love to steal, I love to re-raise on a bluff and I love putting people to the test – but with few exceptions, any success I’ve had in online or live tournaments has been balancing these thing with some patience: changing gears, slowing down, and waiting for the right moment. As a general rule, it hasn’t been the great plays that have won me the money: it’s been the great folds.

But on the other hand, I’m a low limit grinder, a part time player, and down deep inside I have abiding admiration for Roxette – so why listen to me?

*****

Oh, and if you don’t know who Roxette is – give yourself an uppercut and then talk to Google

Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award

I travelled to Canada for a month with my partner (who is Canadian) to spend Christmas with her family and to catch up with some old friends (I also went to university for some time in Canada) and thus was deprived of a poker fix for four long weeks. Certainly, I played a couple of ‘friendly’ home games for zero buy-in against people who had never played poker before – and although the standard of play was higher than Party Poker, it just didn’t feel like the real thing. No, I really need to lose money via bad beats from donkeys who think they know what they are doing before I really feel like I’ve played some cards.

(Digression): Canadians, while being generally just too damn polite, are an immensely likable bunch. I mean that - I always have a good time when I go there and I’ve made some great friends. They’re politically aware, generally open minded, articulate, appreciative of a good beer, and usually knowledgeable about the rest of the world (or at least the Western Hemisphere). So kudos to you, Canada, you receive the Royal Sampler seal of approval. Now, the US, on the other hand… hmm, perhaps i'll leave that one for later (Digression ends).

So I got back a few days ago and promptly logged on to Donkey Poker and had a shot at a few tournaments. Two success stories: the Shoot-Out I mentioned in the previous blog and a 20 + 2 buy-in tournament (348 runners) where I placed 7th for US268. I got done on the final table basically by being over-aggressive with 99 on the big blind when the button raised and I thought he was on a steal (how many people get toasted making this same mistake – imagining that someone is making a move in this situation when, as it happens, the button is raising – funnily enough - because he or she has a good hand). Anyway, I was short-stacked after that encounter, but managed to sustain my meagre sprinkling of chips until another three people had been busted. Still, it was satisfying to get to the final table through a reasonably large field.

Key hand: this one gave me enough chips to find my way to the final 10:


***** Hand History for Game 3329907877 *****
NL Texas Hold'em Trny:18974193 Level:12 Blinds (500/1000) - Saturday, January 07, 12:27:11 EDT 2006
Table Multi-Table(562636) Table #1 (Real Money)
Seat 5 is the button
Total number of players : 7
Seat 1: Kynde111 ( $11576 )
Seat 6: Ching0Ching ( $11522 )
Seat 10: fijnedarter ( $55052 )
Seat 2: flyboys3 ( $37242 )
Seat 5: captrrrrrrrr ( $10644 )
Seat 3: aniello72 ( $9216 )
Seat 7: lrtravelbabe ( $25374 )
Trny:18974193 Level:12
Blinds (500/1000)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Ching0Ching [ Ah Tc ]
fijnedarter folds.
Kynde111 folds.
flyboys3 folds.
aniello72 raises [2000].
captrrrrrrrr folds.
Ching0Ching calls [1500].
lrtravelbabe calls [1000].
** Dealing Flop ** [ 9c, 3s, As ]
Ching0Ching bets [7400].
lrtravelbabe calls [7400].
aniello72 is all-In [7216]
** Dealing Turn ** [ 7h ]
Ching0Ching is all-In [2122]
lrtravelbabe calls [2122].
** Dealing River ** [ 8c ]
Ching0Ching shows [ Ah, Tc ] a pair of aces.
lrtravelbabe shows [ Qs, 9s ] a pair of nines.
aniello72 shows [ Ad, 5c ] a pair of aces.
Ching0Ching wins 4612 chips from side pot #1 with a pair of aces with ten kicker.
Ching0Ching wins 27648 chips from the main pot with a pair of aces with ten kicker.
There will be a break in 1 minute(s)
Player aniello72 finished in 14 place and received $60.01
aniello72 has left the table.


Of course, AT is not the best hand in the world to make a stand with, but I figured it to be best here and bet accordingly. Perhaps I could have pushed pre-flop - possibly this was the best move - but I figured i'd take a flop and see how I felt about the hand from there.

(Warning - Bad Beat Section - avoid at your own discretion)

Other than that, I was much shat upon for the rest of the weekend by the flock of galahs stinking up the tournament tables at PP. I got two wicked beats (in consecutive hands) in a satellite for the Million Dollar tourney – AA v KK (flop all undercards, K on the turn) then AK v KJ (K on the flop, J on the river). Nice. And I bubbled in a 7-card tournament when a gibbering gonad called my bets all the way down to the river with no pair and no draw save a gutshot. Guess what he hit on the river? I’d made the wheel on fifth street - which I thought was gold against this player (who had proven himself to be a consummate calling station all tournament – he’d have A high and still call you on the river). Well, his straight was higher and my stack was crippled. The same guy knocked me out when my trips Kings (on fourth street) got done by his three Aces (received on 6th street and the river, of course). Fucker.

(Bad Beat Section ends)


But the Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award was achieved during the following hand:


***** Hand History for Game 3333683663 *****
NL Texas Hold'em Trny:18997448 Level:2 Blinds (10/20) - Sunday, January 08, 00:56:23 EDT 2006
Table ($10/1) Million Dollar Qualifier(562731) Table #6 (Real Money)
Seat 3 is the button
Total number of players : 9
Seat 2: Mr_Eagle ( $1540 )
Seat 3: MIKEE35 ( $3390 )
Seat 4: Ching0Ching ( $660 )
Seat 5: bigdaddyjz ( $390 )
Seat 8: kirby8050 ( $1545 )
Seat 9: cp6263 ( $895 )
Seat 10: paddy_ryan ( $760 )
Seat 6: ssarkiss ( $1420 )
Seat 7: Laducerm ( $1740 )
Trny:18997448 Level:2
Blinds (10/20)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Ching0Ching [ Tc Td ]
ssarkiss calls [20].
Laducerm calls [20].
kirby8050 calls [20].
cp6263 folds.
paddy_ryan folds.
Mr_Eagle folds.
MIKEE35 folds.
Ching0Ching raises [165].
bigdaddyjz folds.
ssarkiss folds.
Laducerm folds.
kirby8050 calls [155].
** Dealing Flop ** [ 2c, 8h, 6c ]
Ching0Ching is all-In [485]
kirby8050 calls [485].
** Dealing Turn ** [ 7h ]
** Dealing River ** [ Kh ]
Ching0Ching shows [ Tc, Td ] a pair of tens.
kirby8050 shows [ 7d, 4c ] a pair of sevens.
Ching0Ching wins 1380 chips from the main pot with a pair of tens.


Yes, that’s right faithful readers: he called a pre-flop raise with 74o and an all-in bet after the flop with no pair and no draw (actually, i've just re-looked at the hand - he DID have a gutshot). Did I mention his call of my all-in bet was an insta-call? Anyway, kudos to you, kirkby8050, you’ve received the Royal Sampler Play of the Month Award.

(Let it be known that I came in a close second for the Play of the Month Award. I tried unsuccessfully bluffing from early position (I think I was the BB) into a field of three players with 95 on a flop of KQJ when it was clear they all had immense interest in the cards that had fallen (and two of these players I also knew to be calling stations). I’m claiming that I was at the end of a 20 hour session and so tired I couldn’t see straight when I made the move, but maybe I’m just a poker douche-bag. You be the judge.)